Entertainment

The Worst People at Coachella, According to People at Coachella

Nothing offers an unfiltered glimpse into the human id quite like music festivals, and there’s no better showcase than Coachella. It starts out idealistic enough, all wacky outfits and **good vibes**, but when you throw a quarter million mostly-young people together in a field with sundry substances, relentless heat, and bad cell service, well, things get a little Battle Royale.

We all know the types. Appropriation Queen, resplendent in a tone deaf headdress and bindis. Shoulder Girlfriend, perpetually blocking your view. The Daisy Chain of Bros, snaking endlessly between you and your friends on a mission to shove to the front, past the suckers who have been politely waiting for hours to see their favourite act. And there’s always Skeezy Boner Guy, poking up on you with his shlong while you’re just trying to wild out to some Rezz in the Sahara.

At this point, taking shots at Coachella goers may as well be a national social media sport; it’s low-hanging fruit. There’s a lot more to it that keeps fans coming back year after year. So we ventured into the lit wilderness to hear from ‘Chella-goers themselves about whom, above all, is the one to harsh their mellows, which artists are most important to them, and more about that good-ass live music.

The Worst People at Coachella, According to People at Coachella

Riah and Courtney, 23, Utah

Is this your first Coachella? What do you think so far?
Riah: Yes. I love it. It’s pretty amazing.

Did you see Beyonce? Is she who you came for?
Riah: Yeah…well, there were a lot of artists, but she was probably top.
Courtney: SZA, Tash Sultana, Jorja Smith, Miguel.
Riah: Post Malone!

Who is the most important musician?
Riah: Selena. But that’s because she’s on a different level. I went to Selena Fest [in Corpus Christi last year, but couldn’t this year because they’re the same weekend, which is frustrating. I had a blast there. I can only imagine what it’s like this year.

Who is the most important musician at Coachella?
Riah: That’s a tough one. I was excited to see Tash Sultana. She’s just amazing. She knows how to play 11 instruments on her own! Her voice is incredible, her way of music is incredible. I feel like there’s so many people here I was looking forward to, it’s hard to choose just one.
Courtney: I agree.

Who is the worst person at Coachella?
Riah: The people who get mad at you for trying to leave the crowd!
Courtney: Oh, yeah! Or the people trying to get into the crowd!
Riah: Like I’m sorry, I’m trying to leave, I’m making your life easier!
Courtney: And then they get mad and they try to fight you, and I’m like, I’m giving you all the room, why you mad? We’re not going towards the front, why are you upset? That’s the worst Coachella person. Don’t be that person.
Riah: Don’t be that person!

The Worst People at Coachella, According to People at Coachella

Sarah, Ricky, Brodie, and Kenny, San Diego

Is this your first Coachella?
Sarah: No. This is his ninth in a row. [points to other friend] This is his first. It’s my eighth.

Wow. How does this year stack up against the rest?
Kenny: It’s definitely… a lot.
Sarah: We had a really good crew this year. It was really fun.
Ricky: It’s great every year. It’s about the people you’re with.
Sarah: For sure. Because if you’re with cool people then they probably have similar taste in music, they’re leaving with you, you’re always coming back to the same homebase group.
Brodie: The stages are really different this year, it seemed really spread out. It makes it bigger and you walk around more.
Sarah: The new Sahara is really cool. Big and open.
Brodie: It still got packed too!

Who is the most important musician?
Sarah: I wanna say like… Portugal. The Man.
Kenny: The smaller acts have importance too.
Sarah: Yeah! I just feel like seeing a live band, there’s something way more powerful about that than seeing a DJ. Odesza was also one of my highlights tonight, but… That drone thing was insane! So cool. Our minds were totally blown.
Kenny: It was awesome.

Who is the worst person at Coachella?
Sarah: A narc.
Ricky: A narc.

Sarah, Gina, Peter, and Bella

Who is the most important artist of all time?
Sarah: Well Beyonce, obviously.

You don’t have to say Beyonce.
Michelle: I really had a great time at Odesza. It was amazing. With the drones, oh my god.
Sarah: I thought they were those Chinese lanterns, and then they started coming together, it was wild.
Gina: I liked The Weeknd. So much emotion behind the music.
Sarah: We waited for like six hours to be in the front.

Really? That’s hardcore.
Gina: Yeah, so we saw everyone before that. Kygo was awesome.
Sarah: Oh my god, Kygo was so fun.
Gina: Kygo? Oh my gosh. He was like, really hot [Laughs]. He has that cute accent and…he’s so good!
Sarah: He’s so. Good.
Gina: The vibes. It sounded just like him.
Sarah: Most disappointing was Petit Biscuit. I know that wasn’t the question, but.
Peter: The bass was way too loud.
Sarah: It hurt! I just wanted to get out of there. It wasn’t even that great vibes. It was hurting my face

That’s not what it’s supposed to feel like.
Sarah: Even if I was far from it I still [cringes]. And the moments between songs I was like, Ahhhh, silence.
Peter: I mean, that can’t be legal.

Who is the worst person at Coachella?
Bella: The Instagram wannabes.
Gina: The ravers. I’m sorry, that’s such an easy answer.
Sarah: We were the ravers!
Gina: There were these two ravers who wore unicorn horns, it killed me! And this guy and girl dressed in all green mesh and tights. And oh my god, the girls that wear the heels. How do you wear heels to Coachella?

The Worst People at Coachella, According to People at Coachella

Kerry, 26, LA

Who is the most important artist of all time?
I wanna say Cardi B had the most important moment [at Coachella]. Because her album just came out and this was kind of the cherry on top of the sundae. And I like that she had the full production. And strippers.

Would you say she’s the most important artist of all time?
No.

Who is?
The Beatles.

Who is the worst person at Coachella?
The groups of girls who all have their butts out. You’re sitting down waiting for an artist to go on and they’re just walking by, their ass all up in your face, and I’m just like, why?

What is it about Coachella and butts?
[Thoughtful pause] Hm. The Coachella fashion has shifted from tits out to butts out. I only saw one person in pasties this weekend.

The Worst People at Coachella, According to People at Coachella

Brooke 20, Michigan; Andre, 36, London

Who is the most important artist?
Brooke: Any artist that is willing to use their platform for positive messages and being a good influence to people. And just spreading what they believe in. I can’t [pick one], I’m too fucked up.

How many years have you been at Coachella? How it’s been so far?
Brooke: First one. Amazing. Favourite festival. I’ve been to Lollapalooza a couple of times, and so it’s basically Lollapalooza in the desert. More sunscreen next year.
Andre: First year.

Who is the worst person at Coachella?
Brooke: That’s a tough one. Donald Trump.

Is he here?
Brooke: No… Just any sort of presence.
Andre: I would say the stewards. They have no empathy with the Coachella-goers.

The Worst People at Coachella, According to People at Coachella

Sean, 29, Santa Monica

Who is the most important artist?
I would say Prince. Musicality, his professional attitude towards the industry and owning his music and fighting the record labels. And then his gender-bending freedom of expression.

What about at Coachella?
Beyonce. For sure. Firstly, she’s probably just the greatest performer of our time. And secondly, the all-black band promoting the culture of people of colour is extremely important right now.

Who is the worst person at Coachella?
Girl on boyfriend’s shoulders blocking the view. Although I’ve definitely gone up on shoulders before and it’s really fun. I wanna say bros, but they’re too hot to be the worst people. I also don’t understand how they’re cold-resistant. You know, when it’s at night, and it’s windy, and they’re just all walking around shirtless…

It felt a little like the bro was a little on the wane this year. I feel like maybe they’re becoming an endangered Coachella species. Are you concerned?
No. There were def bros.

How did this year stack up for you?
This is my thirteenth consecutive Coachella. It was pretty good. Beyonce makes it all.

Wow. What is it that keeps you coming back?
They still do a really good job of booking the full spectrum of artists from new, up-and-coming people to Beyonce.

You’ve been coming for so long. How has the crowd changed? Have they always been bros?No. In the beginning there was only music heads. People who literally were going to see like 50 bands over the weekend, or whatever. Now it’s evolved into a cultural moment that people want to be a part of regardless of the lineup, so there’s a whole contingent of people that just go to be there. I’m sure they’re into the music but it’s not their main focus. Instagram is.

Do you think the way people kind of make fun of it is fair? Is it valid?
There’s always gonna be lame people at every festival. I think Coachella gets a bad rap for its proximity to LA and celebrity culture and all that. But it’s still a great festival with great bands, and great music, and great people, and that’s all that really matters. Most of the people that get knocked aren’t there for the music anyway. They’re there for the tan.

Brady, Australia

Who is the most important artist?
God. That’s impossible. I would say the most amazing performance I saw was Beyonce’s last night. But I didn’t see everything so I can’t comment on it all. Her whole comeback, bringing out Destiny’s Child. The production value of the whole set was really unbelievable. She had like a 60 piece brass band, and dancers, and a bigger fireworks show than what we have back home in Australia. It was ridiculous.

Who is the worst person at Coachella?
Well, we have equivalents in Australia, but you have these real frat douche bags here in this country. That’s the absolute worst. Those, and the people who sit along the rail and take up all the space. Like, come on now.

Would you ever wait up front for an artist?
Never. Because I appreciate the artists that come beforehand. I went to a festival in Australia to see the Chili Peppers and I waited for six hours on the rail, but I stood up the whole time. Saw Band of Horses, the Killers, all these other ones beforehand. But you respect the artist that’s playing before yours, and you don’t take up the space. Half the people before Eminem tonight were just sitting down and taking up all the space. They were so rude about it.

Andrea Domanick is the worst person at Coachella. Follow her on Twitter.

This article originally appeared on Noisey US.

~Source reference~