Impact Wrestling Results – April 12, 2018
We open with a video package covering Alberto’s decision to no longer be a part of Impact Wrestling after the press conference, and then it runs down the Impact vs Lucha Underground
Okay, we’re back, and Steiner tells fans to show up before telling Konnan he looks like he’s seen a ghost. He tells the white trash in the audience that he’s one half of the greatest team in history, and the greatest champion in the history of the NWO, and he tells the fans that he’s world famous, b****! Steiner says that he gets calls when somebody wants someone’s ass kicked, and at Redemption, LAX is going to lose their titles, get their ass kicked, and realize he’s the man with the shortest fuse and largest arms in the world. Konnan says that’s a lot of verbal menstruation, and then Konnan asked if he considered whether Steiner will turn on him or even show up at all, and whether Steiner’s just here as a payday. He’s gonna keep it 100: he doesn’t think Steiner has the hunger anymore, and he don’t still got it because he doesn’t look like he could tear up a chicken at a luau. Eli tells Old Man Konnan that he calls him a wedge because he’s a useless tool. The Steiners are the greatest team of all time, but the new greatest current team of all time is them. Konnan says he’s looking at a current has been and a future has been, and then he says something in Spanish while Steiner flips them off and says something that gets bleeped out twice.
Josh and Sonjay are in the control center talking about stuff, then the Global Wrestling Network takes us back to Rosemary facing Jade in Six Sides of Steel.
Moose vs Sami Callihan
Moose tears right into Sami as soon as the match starts, hitting a hard clothesline and a headbutt that knocks Sami on his butt in the corner. Moose with a hesitation dropkick in the corner, and Sami ditches out to the floor to create some space. It doesn’t
We’re back, and Sami is still in control of Moose…at least until Moose drills him with a sweet dropkick to the face. Sami manages to drop Moose in the corner and hits a facewash, but an attempt at a second results in Sami taking a pop up powerbomb and senton for 2. Moose hits a sitout powerbomb for 2. Moose goes up for ten punches, but Sami counters to a sitout powerbomb of his own. Moose hits a roaring clothesline for 2, and he goes for a bicycle kick when Sami drills him with the bat.
Winner: Moose by DQ
The Crists run in and stomp Moose out until Sami tells them to get him up so he can drill him with the bat. Eddie Edwards runs in and fights off the Crists, but Sami works him over with the bat, then the Crists hold him for another bat shot when Eddie’s wife runs in and yells at them to stop it. Sami stalks her with the bat, but then the lights go out, and when they come back up…Tommy Dreamer is standing in her place! He has a kendo stick and unloads on all three members of oVe before piledriving Sami in the middle of the ring. Dreamer gets a mic and says he’s been fighting a war his whole life, and oVe has been trying to start a revolution, but he has a soldier and a guy whose face he busted in front of his wife, so the three of them will take on oVe in the first ever House of Hardcore match live at Redemption.
Matt Sydal and Josh Mathews are backstage, and they’re…MEDITATING! Josh faces Petey Williams tonight!
Josh and Matt Sydal come out to the ring, and Josh says he faces Petey Williams tonight, and it’s not often we get to see him compete, but Petey Williams is the reason Matt Sydal isn’t the World Champion and he isn’t the Grand Champion, a title he worked 17 years for. Now Austin Aries has his title and wants to write a book, so he’ll write one called Josh Maters Beats Petey Williams.
Josh Mathews vs Petey Williams
Josh stalls to stretch. Then Petey chases him around until Josh begs off in the corner. Sydal distracts Petey, allowing Josh to hit Petey from behind and go for a Canadian Destroyer. PEtey easily counters and goes for a Sharpshooter, but another distraction from Sydal saves Josh. Petey gets Josh and goes for the Canadian Destroyer, but Sydal comes in and superkicks Petey in the face to cause a DQ.
Winner by DQ: Petey Williams
Petey fights them both off after the match.
Video package hyping Brian Cage, then Johnny Impact does an interview with McKenzie that is interrupted by Jimmy Jacobs and Kongo Kong. He makes fun of their makeup, and Jacobs says he’s going to pop Johnny’ bubble, but Impact gets serious and says he’s sick of them interrupting his interviews, and didn’t appreciate Kong attacking him last week. He wants to face Kong in the ring next week, and they have a staredown before Jacobs backs Kong off.
We look back at last week’s fat shaming fun with KM, Trevor Lee, and Caleb Konley, leading to our next match…
KM, Trevor Lee & Caleb Konley vs Fallah Bahh, Richard Justice & Tyrus
Trevor shoves Bahh, so Bahh belly bashes him onto his butt, then runs over him with a shoulderblock. Bahh with a steamroller on Lee, then he tags in Richard Justice, who unloads on Lee with big right hands and also lays Konley out when he comes in. KM tags in and he’s not playing this. He goes for a big clothesline, but Justice ducks and hammers KM with a series of punches. Lee hits Justice from the floor and KM big boots him to the mat. Justice plays fatty-in-peril and impresses me with his remarkable ability to repeatedly stand up and then dumps Konley to the floor so he can make the hot tag to Tyrus. Tyrus destroys KM and plants him with a bodybag for 2. All heck breaks loose as Team Fatty regulates the Fat Shamers. Justice hits a dive off the apron onto Lee and Konley as Tyrus puts KM out with the Tongan Death Grip, then tags Bahh in to hit the Banzai Drop for the win.
Winners: Fallah Bahh, Richard Justice & Tyrus
So yeah, Justice won a match. It was all his partners, but he is at least on the record books as having won this match. Tyrus pulls down the top of his trunks so the three of them can flex their fat at the fans together.
Rosemary is backstage, and she’s…TALKING TO THE VOICES IN HER HEAD! She faces Taya Valkyrie in a Demon’s Dance tonight!
Speaking of which, it’s…MAIN EVENT TIME!
Demon’s Dance: Rosemary vs Taya Valkyrie
They start brawling right away. and head right up the ramp to the entry stage. They both try and fail to hit their finishers up there, and wind up back at ringside where Taya gives Rosemary a gourdbuster onto the barricade. Taya gets a bunch of chairs out from under the ring and wedges one in the corner. They take turns trying to ram each other into that chair to no avail, but Taya winds up taking control, puts a chair over Rosemary’s face, and hits a running double knee that smashes the chair into Rosemary’s face. Ouch. Taya follows that up by wedging a chair between Rosemary’s legs and…well, she uses another chair to ram the first chair between Rosemary’s uprights. Rosemary hits a slingblade out of nowhere onto a chair, then grabs a ladder from under the ring. She stands the ladder up in the corner and tries to send Taya into it, Taya avoids that, but a struggle over a suplex ends with Taya snapping Rosermary over for 2. Taya puts the boots to Rosemary’s chest, but Rosemary does a zombie sit up and tosses Taya into the ladder. Rosemary brings a table into the ring and sets it up in a corner, but misses a corner charge and crashes face first into the chair. Taya quickly covers for 2, then lays Rosemary on top of the table and goes up top, but Rosemary kicks her legs out and goes for a superplex. Taya blocks, they both got for a top rope version of their finishers through that table, and Rosemary manages to hit a piledriver through the table for the win.
BRUTAL finish for that one, I’m sure both ladies were feeling it after this match.
We wrap up with a video package recapping the weekend’s festivities at Wretlecon, and the news that we have a new main event for Redemption in the wake of Alberto El Patron’s departure from Impact.